Tuesday, July 19, 2011

I'll Send You a Quote When I'm Nervous

     Sometimes, the Golden Rule doesn't exactly work.
     In fact, I don't remember the last time it did.
     But, then again, I don't remember much.

     I am nervous today. For what, I can't be sure. I do believe it's the blasted ADHD medicine that's the culprit of my anxiety. It makes my heart race, hands tremble, arms fall numb, and stomach twist itself in knots. But, that list of ever-growing complaints is for a later post.
     Writing has always been a way to release whatever stress or worry I have. Patchwork poems, questions, one-liners, and quotes have all been scribbled along the margins of my notebooks (I used to use my phone, but my "technologically handicap" tendencies proved detrimental to my privacy). Raw, rough, and ragged. That's my writing style when I need to let something out. On days like these, however, I send approximately five people (usually ones I don't think will respond) a random quote. Then I close my eyes and pretend that someone sent me this lovely little message. No one sends me quotes, but I pretend they do by sending them. Sort of tricking my brain. But not. It's like how I put Twitter on my phone so I think people are talking to me all the time. Today's a lonely day. And it's raining. I'm in one of those moods.
     I think I'm going to go to bed. Goodnight, loves.


Whit Happens

Monday, July 18, 2011

Overdosing on Benedryl and Forgetting How to Dream


     I'd like to think I can sleep whenever I want. It's such a waste of time, isn't it? Sleeping. That's 10 hours of my life per day that could go toward something else. Eating seems like a waste of time, too. I could be blogging. I could be reading. I could be listening to music. I could be going places. But, no...instead I have to sleep.
     I'd also like to think I'm not bitter. Ha! Mmm...no.
     The t.v. that sits on the carpet of my room can only do one thing: allow me to plug in an annoying looking, portable Pac-Man/Galaga/Pole Position/Xevious/Mappy joystick controller. The buttons don't always work and the joystick frequently jams up, but when you can't fall asleep, it'll do.

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One word: GHETTO.

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Ignore the blank screen. I forgot to turn off the joystick so the batteries ran out.

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Of course, I'm in the dark, so it looks more like this.
   
     The dark is a wonderful place. But, it's also the reason I need glasses with a prescription of triple digits. Even in a photo, that one in the dark kind of hurts my eyes. I'm a horrendous Pac-man player too. I can't blame the controller for everything, unfortunately. However, Galaga? I'm a reigning champion. Not even joking, I've been playing that game since I got the first Gameboy Advance. I've sort of been working on my high score since I came out of the womb. 
     Besides my adventures with spaceships, aliens, and trophies that don't exist, I've been having difficulty dreaming. I know that someone with a degree says that we all dream at least five times a night or whatever, but that's really hard to believe right now. When I eventually fall asleep, I don't remember anything. Have I forgotten how to dream? The last dream I remember was a nightmare. I hope I haven't forgotten how to dream, a nightmare would be a horrible way to end it, don't you think? 
     I've been forcing myself to write also. Hence; poor word choice, sloppy sentence structures, and NO MORALS TO MY INCESSANT COMPLAINING. 
     They say that to be a good writer, you have to write everyday; even if it's poor writing. So, here is me sucking it up, vomiting thoughts onto a keyboard, and hoping my writer's block will go away. 

Whit Happens


P.S. If you don't know any of those games on the controller, Google them. They're fun. Well...I think they are, but what do I know? Find out for yourself.
P.P.S. In case you're having a not-so-grand day, here's a photo (compliments of Cassy) that I bet will make you smile. Or not. 

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Well, you can't just set it down!
     

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Frigid July



     Yes, it is mid July and I really do feel like this most of time. The sad part is that I'm speaking quite literally. Yes, you read that right too. I'm not even attempting to be profound and tell you all how frigid my soul is (But, if you know me at all, you ought to have figured that out by now... That, and there really isn't anything profound about a person with a cold heart). I haven't seen the sun much all summer long. Shockingly enough, I'm alright with that. It's been bugging me more than usual when girls stand in front of the mirror and deliberately degrade themselves in order to get compliments. I've always been one to agree with them, but...then again, I've always been one to not have friends, so...perhaps they're related. Lately, all the girls have been complaining about how "pasty-white" they are, when everyone around them can clearly recognize that they've been frying themselves alive since the day school got out. Personally, I'm totally fine if I go back to school even lighter than when we got out. It'll give them less to compare themselves to, and me, less to plug my ears about. 
     Speaking of plugging my ears, I got a phone call tonight from a girl I don't know who was demanding to talk to one of my friends. My friend was never with me. Not only did the sound of her voice make me want to slit my throat, but her inability to comprehend that I was not with my friend was astounding. You know the statistic that 1/5 of Americans can't locate the United States on a world map? I'm pretty sure she's a large contribution to that. 
     There's a reason I don't have friends. I'm overly blunt and rude.
     Enjoy your skin cancer.

Whit Happens

Monday, July 11, 2011

Join Me on the Rooftop in a Stolen Armchair

     Allow me to toot my own horn for a moment: I am so cool. There, I'm done.


     Anyway, last week I think it was, or maybe the week before, I found an entrance to the roof of my school. It was a rather epic adventure if I do say so myself. When I have the energy I'll post the video that goes with that tale. Here's nice imagery though, I want to take this armchair that I found (or rather, I sort of stole from the drama department...but no one's using it. So, it's fine) and take it up on the roof. That's not even the best part. I want to do a photo shoot (using my instant camera of course), and sit in this armchair with a fishing pole hanging over the edge. It looks nice in my head, don't crush my imagination. Care to join me? There's plenty of room up there.
   
     If we topple over, it'll be the perfect way to close this post of horrible writings: Whit Happens.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Love, I Fear I've Burned Out

   

     I haven't posted in a long while. Unless you count two days ago, which I don't, because it was horribly written. I think I've burned out. I have no energy nor any desire to do anything. I'm tired all the time, I feel sick all the time, and everyone's existence is annoying me.
     Don't worry, it's not you, it's me.
     I can't write, though I have ideas. They end up getting lost in my mind. Of late, I can't seem to articulate my thoughts at all, let alone type them up nicely.
     Writing is exhausting if you're doing it right, no matter how talented of a writer you are.

   
     Realizations that are irritating me (I have to write something today...):  <-- inadvertent frown.

  • I make annoying sounds when I'm bored.
  • I cringe when I step into sunlight.
  • I put Twitter on my phone to trick my brain into thinking I get texted a lot.
  • I carry around an annoying, little notebook in my back pocket.
  • I wear ear plugs in my house.
  • I occasionally take off my glasses just because I'm tired of the heavy frames slipping off my face.
  • I write letters to people that aren't here.
  • I hate that I still log onto Facebook.
  • I purposely ignore people most of the time.
  • I like to think I am clever.
  • I clench my jaw when I type.
  • I get so angry when Bruno Mars pops up in my Pandora stations.
  • I know that I'm allergic to a metal in necklace chains, but I continue to wear them.

     My brain is fried.
     This computer screen dries my eyes.
     Love, I have burned out. Enjoy the blank pages.
   




Whit Happens

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Sideways Fires, Paralyzed Hikers, and Water Falling from the Sky

     The Fourth of July has never been an event that I exclusively look forward to. The idea of being forced into what feels like a war zone isn't so appealing and the fact that we do it for fun kind of disgusts me. Am I the only one who sees fireworks that way? Think about it: searing rockets splitting the sky, explosions surrounding you, random bursts of light and flame engulfing the air...we imitate a war zone! And we do it for fun! Sick. Really sick.
     By the time it was dark enough to do fireworks, I was exhausted. Earlier, my family had hiked at Sundance and we met a young girl with a birth defect who was unable to walk on her own. Her left pant-leg, just below the knee, hung empty and swayed in the wind. I watched her skillfully maneuver her crutches along the trail that was maybe barely a foot wide. My dad talked to her and her dad as we hiked. They were visiting from Tennessee and their Southern accents told stories and random facts about themselves in a way that vaguely reminded me of the get-to-know-you game. I learned that this girl went all through high school on crutches. She never used a wheelchair and never wanted one. She liked hiking, and just because one leg was dysfunctional, didn't mean she wasn't going to do it. Her dad mentioned that she was wanting to hike to the Timpanogos Caves before they left (Can you imagine? I don't like the steep incline on two legs, let alone on crutches!). All in all, they were nice people and I was absolutely blown away at how well she handled the hike. It's amazing to see people who, despite their circumstances, simply refuse the idea that something can't be done. If I were in her situation, I can pretty much guarantee that I would not be hiking. In all honesty, I'd probably take the wheelchair. It was neat to learn about them. That hike was easily one of my favourite hikes, simply because I knew that I had nothing on her and certainly no room to complain. It's a comfort to know that there are still goodhearted people out there who put their full effort into achieving what some would call impossible. Afterall, someone's going to have to compensate for people like me.

     No, sharing that story doesn't really give me room to complain about how tired I was, but really, I was done for the day. There's a reason I don't have a birth defect; I'm not the inspirational type.

While my dad was getting ready to start the fireworks, we had a conversation that went something like this:

     "Dad, we're the only ones doing fireworks on our whole street."

     "Well...oh, look! That family down there is doing some."

     "They don't count. The point is, we never get invited to parties."

     And I was SO right.
     The street adjacent ours had a huge crowd gathered and they were blowing up some really big fireworks. Y'know, the ones that are now apparently legal? Yeah, those ones. While those were blowing up, I got to watch my dad occasionally burn his finger and curse the fuse lines on our Walmart package. Y'know, the fireworks that spit colours from a box? Yeah, those ones. So, we watched our fireworks, overwhelmed with excitement as they were clearly the most compelling fireworks on the block that night, and then...it started raining. I experienced a new perspective of fireworks this year. After the wind knocked them over, I had the unique privilege of watching them catch fire and melt their packaging. We ended up just going inside and watching television.
      What can I say? Whit Happens.

P.S. I don't usually mix my sarcastic complaints with serious issues. I really do, sincerely, admire that girl from the hike. I'm not trying to make light of her injury.